Can you see farts when it's cold?

Ok,  so I know how devasted most of you must be since I have written in such a long time. However, I do have a good excuse. I needed to go Christmas shopping Monday night for my sister who is on an LDS mission. In an attempt to fit everything that I normally do on Monday and have shopping time, I decided to go to the gym at 5 in the morning. People, unless you have high tolerance to cold, sleep, and plain craziness; don't do it! Well, I drank my protein shake and some Jack3d to boost up my energy and went out. I felt good at the gym but by the time I got home I was feeling a little strange. I still went to work feeling that way until about 10:30 when my stomach turned upside down. I started feeling dizzy and had sharp stomach pains. I knew I had to leave work, so I told my supervisor and then headed home. To skip all the gross parts, I was sick as a dog all Monday and Tuesday morning. I am feeling much better today, thanks for asking! Not!!! Well, believe it not I have been people watching lately! Yes, not even being on my death bed will keep me from people watching. I think that if I were on my death bed I would be staring at the people coming to see me, some crying and some making up some words of sympathy. For those I really care about I wouldn't really criticize but for those who are fake I would probably criticize they nasty beards, or weird hair style, or some I would notice that they are wearing too much make up to visit a dying man or I would notice how the little kids would be scared to get close and so I would give them the typical "I will eat you with my toothless mouth" look that old grumpy man give. (I have always wanted to do that!) Anyways, I have been noticing butts lately. Yes, I said it. I have been looking at butts, behinds, buttocks, gluteous maximus (i don't care about spelling), butt cheeks, junk in the trunk, nalgas, bottoms, bubble, lower back, and whatever other names exist out there. Well for all of you who are already judging me saying to yourselves: Ew, OMG he is so gross! or saying: Oh my freak, this kid is so disrespectful. How is he even christian?!. or maybe thinking: He is such a guy! Well, I got one thing to say, SHUT UP! So moving on...I have been looking at butts but not for the obvious "hey good looking! I would like some fries with that shake!" kinda look, but looking too see if by some chance I get to see smoke or steam coming out of people's butt as they walk in the cold. You know you all have thought about it and will probably start searching more for it after reading this. You know that when you are outside and it is so cold that you can see your breath, you also become very aware and cautious not to let one out if people are around cause you think that steam might come out! Admit it, we all fart! Anyways, I have been paying close attention to people's butts for that reason and in my search I have been AMAZED about the shapes, sizes, dimensions, and rhythms of butts! It is simply MIND BLOWING how diverse butts are. Some need some work, some need to grow a butt so you can tell where the back starts and where the butt begins instead of being an ironing board, some need a little more funk, and some just need to visit a butcher or meat shop to get some of that shopped off. But yeah, I invited everyone to check out your butts in the mirror and see what yours look like and start noticing other people's butts to see what you are up against! Well, in my searching I have been very close to finding steam coming out of a butt. I am telling you, finding one is like trying to find a virgin at Michael Jackson's compound! (I heard that somewhere, so credit to whoever it was that said it). Well, whenever I have come close to thinking that I see steam, it turns out to be an underground air vent, a restaurant's steam pipe, or a midget standing next to a very hefty woman! However, I think I did see one yesterday! It was from far away so I can't be 100% sure. The woman, who brought about such a great event, must have been about 5'4"-5'6", about 180-200 pounds, wearing black tights, and a dark green coat. The dimension of her butt were possibly 2 to 3 feet wide by 2 feet! It was one of the those "Visit the butcher" kinda butts. But as I saw it, I saw glimpse of what seemed to be a semi clear/white foggy substance escaping her butt. It was only for like a second or two but it was there. I checked too! There weren't any midgets or air vents near her. It had to have been her! You could not believe how happy I was! I just laughed to myself thinking about how much time I had spent searching to finally be one of the lucky few in the world to witness such a rare and almost extinct sighting. People, all you unbelievers out there, or all of you who have to see it to believe... THEY DO EXIST! Foggy farts do exist! So next time you are thinking about letting one go thinking, "Oh no one will notice. That's just a myth!", DON'T  because they do exist and you don't wanna look like a steam engine! So my friends heed my warning cause you will face years of ridicule for your mistake OR you will have my foot up your behind if you happen to do it infront of me!!! For now, so long and remember: Go out there and PEOPLE WATCH!!!